Reason #22: Observer

Observer

The fly on the wall. The girl who people may know of but know little about. She’s smart to stay out of the social scene. The guys who are always dancing in the middle and the girls right next to them will not make good friends. These observers know this and rather not get involved. The ones who have the rare ability to learn form other’s mistakes.

The problem with constantly learning from others is your own lack of experience. Without having your own stories to tell with your own feelings and emotions, nothing is going to be that relatable to you. And to find a connection with another person, there needs to be some level of identification. If you do not have any experience in any type of field, then you may be considered boring, uninteresting, shy and stuck up.

In no way am I saying to sleep with ten different guys, drink until you puke, no. But rather, allow yourself to try new things, to get involved in a club. Just going to the meetings will not be enough. Participate and be active in extracurricular activities. Find something to be passionate about, don’t be afraid to talk up in class. Be engaged in whatever social scene you’re in, it doesn’t have to be limited to parties.

Maybe the smallest thing (such as a smile) can win the favor of another. The first step is getting outside your comfort level and to scare yourself. At least once a day.

Reason #21: Low Self Esteem

Low self esteem

No matter how many people tell you you’re beautiful, smart, perfect, healthy, you will always find faults within yourself. It’s for the girls who look into the mirror and see nothing but self hate, loathing, and sadness. It is the girls who do not believe in themselves, the ones who are at the breaking point. These are the ones who do not believe they are worthy of any adoration or affection.

Low self esteem among girls is a serious issue. The pressure to be perfect put on by the media, public and individuals is beyond reason. Support from others does help but to feel true self worth comes from within. Girls without high self esteem tend to hang out in the corner, don’t go to dance, rather watch than participate. It is the girls who wonder why their guy, friends or team likes/ values them. It is the girls who do not believe they can be anything beyond average.

Low self esteem is associated with hopelessness. It leaves girls with doubts in their brains and may cause them to even lash out at others. They may say hurtful things, cry without reason or refuse to participate in any social life.

For them to go out takes an immense amount of courage. The girls wish they were able to be the center of attention.

Yet what they do not realize is they are among the most beautiful people on earth. They can only see the good in others, only see their beauty and kindness. It is how they show love and affectionate for others where their beauty is hi-lighted.  It is a true sadness where the demons behind their eyes override the compliments and praise. It is a true loss when someone so beautiful, full of life, love, selflessness and kindness are overridden with self hate.

There will never be a true solution for those with low self esteem. Sure their exterior may be far from perfect, but small improvements on themselves can happen everyday. Regardless of the progress they can see, one can never give up the fight.

The demons in your head will be there everyday, but it is your choice to listen to them or not. Fighting such demons will be the struggle of a lifetime, will last you a lifetime. However everyday will get a little bit easier. Eventually the fight will no longer hurt.

Reason #20: Language

Language

So if you’re like most girls, chances are you have a bit of a temper and should not be held accountable for what you say. But if you’re not irritated and you constantly vomit swear words, there may be a problem. Contrary to the current feminine belief that women should be free to express themselves through vulgar language, this is not the truth. Instead, the reality is females are expected to present themselves with a specific code of honor. Much of that honor rests with the terms they use and the manner in which they are used.

Although many times appropriate, funny, controversial and rebellious, cursing is not a sign the female is relationship material. The frequent use of swear words narrows the pool of selection and may be only attracting the wrong type of guys.

In no way should you constantly have to filter everything you say. But understand that words have such power and meaning. Men hardly listen as it is, so the rare times they do make sure you intentions and statement come across. By using swear words, you raise emphasis to express specific emotions such as anger, sadness and remorse. If swear words are intertwined into everyday speech, deciphering your meanings and intentions could be trickier. This is more of a hassle to the men.

Also remember guys need to know they can bring you home. To be in a successful relationship with a guy, a successful relationship is needed with his family as well. If every other word is a swear word then the chances of you meeting his mother may be very slim. Guys bring the girls home, but the family decides which woman stays in his life.

Ladies, you are smarter than you know and more powerful than you can ever imagine. Thus you are worthy of his respect and full attention. Do not bee degraded because of simple misuse of language.

Reason #19: Dominating

Dominating

There’s a different from being a dominant personality and being a dominatrix. They are not two of the same thing but nearly opposites. A dominatrix knows when to take control, she listens to her partner and responds accordingly. Those with a dominating personality on the other hand do quite the opposite. Instead of listening to their partner and responding, they tend to take control of every situation with little concern for their partner.

People with a dominant personality like the center of focus to be them. They enjoy and flourish over the attention of others, relish in the idea they are the only ones worth being concerned about. Girls who have a dominating personality are the ones who get talked about when not around.

So if you get talked about, that is good publicity right? No. This would lead to gossip, which is therefore rumors, which could have you labeled as an unfavorable person.

It’s the idea of being controlling that revolts men. In no way should the female be submissive, but in a relationship, both parties deserve recognition from their partner. Both deserve respect from the other. Neither person should be dominating.

Reason #18: Abrasive

Abrasive

Different from being mean, just more insensitive. It is not that you don’t care about the person, it’s that you know what you want to say but there is no beating around the bush. Sometimes what you say is valid but it comes off as harsh. For our abrasive ladies, it’s not what you said but how you said it that makes you a bit standoffish.

Maybe you have a tendency to turn everything into ‘medical terms’. There’s no hiding the facts, everything is out in the open, plain and simple. Think of abrasive speech like a trip. Just because it is the shortest, most direct route does not make it the safest or most scenic of routes.

By stating things so blunt, there is the tendency to turn  people off. Others may mistake your honestly or insensitive speech as lack of care, concern, filter or femininity. These are all impotent when trying to stay in a successful relationship. Humans are sensitive, we all are, and people tend to simmer over words. Some things that would not stick with you, or things you wouldn’t have given a second thought to build up inside a person and makes them want to explode.

The best thing is to try and think before you speak. This is hardest as you become more comfortable with people, but just because you’re more comfortable, doesn’t mean their sensitivity level has gone down. And be honest, let people know that sometimes when you say things, you don’t intend for it to be an insult. Rather you think of it as the shortest route to the truth. And to you, there is nothing wrong with the truth.

Just be careful with what you say. Try and filter the bad and focus on the positive side in things.

Reason #17: Mother Nature

Mother Nature

The signs start to happen one week before she comes to visit. The mean words, back pains, stressing over nothing, spite for the world. She makes you not want to leave the bed the day before. You have the most unfathomable craving for liquid hot fudge, but you know you shouldn’t get it. These are the signs that appear. It’s bad, you feel bloated, you break out, you get upset but there’s nothing you can do about it. It just fuels the crazy.

Aunty Flow comes over, she thinks everything is fine, but it’s not. First of all, she makes you say things you would never say. And the kind of pressure she puts on you, the kind of stress that leads to anxiety, makes you upset. It makes you turn into a dragon. Because we all know normally you’re either a mermaid or an adorable golden retriever.

Her presence makes you not want to try. As far as you’re concerned the world is ending, you don’t want anyone to touch you, your pants don’t look as good as they should, working out becomes even that much harder. So basically it all goes to Hell.

The terror/ blessing that is upon you is feared by all men. It exposes a new side of you none of them knew you ever had. They don’t understand the meanness, the hateful things you say. They feel like they can never please you or get you to do anything because you’re so tired. Having her visit is exhausting.

There’s no hiding her presence to anyone. Maybe joke about it, let him buy you ice-cream and splurge. Hopefully the chocolate will make you both feel better.

Reason #16: Money

Money

The number one leading cause of divorce in America, the thing that stresses so many people out, the thing that is always on our mind yet we can never get enough of. Money makes the world go round.

The use and treatment of money can become a huge issue in relationships, whether the couple has a joint account, individual or both. But for those that are in the dating stage, money should be held to the individual and only combined when AFTER married.

Girls who expect the guy to pay for everything can be perceived as selfish and cheap. Guys may feel that they are being taken advantage of. I agree, it may be custom for the guy to pay for lunch or call the cab, but if you expect him to pay for things like tampons, body wash, a cute bracelet or even a pregnancy test, then it becomes too much. For things that only apply to you, it is your responsibility to pay for. No girl wants to ask her boyfriend to pay for her wax.

But even if he insists to pay for dinner, at least offer to go Dutch. Or make a deal that every other time you guys go out, you pay. Feel like you contribute something in the relationship. Or instead, surprise him by making him breakfast one morning  or make the bed. Maybe your contribution doesn’t have to be paying, but be sure to do things for him as well.

So what happens when you end up paying for him? For gas, for his food, for laundry, for everything? If that is the case ladies, then he is a scrub and it’s time to kick him to the curb so hard and so fast, you won’t even be a blink in his memory.

But the topic of money itself is stressful. Come up with rules such as anything over $75 you have to talk to the other one about. But be honest and be consistent. Never be shady with money because if you’re willing to be shady about something like that, you’re probably shady about other things as well.

Reason #15: Mean

Mean

You believe the world is a cruel place so that the only way to survive is to put others down. Therefore you feel it is your duty to take on this imperative task. You feel people need to be able to handle the bad to get anywhere in the world. So the way you use your words to hurt people comes so effortless, there is a tendency to aim for the jugular.

However being a cruel person, exposing the flaws in others, giving them backhanded compliments and being a controlling, angry and sometimes nasty person, is a huge turnoff.

Despite how sweet and approachable you may look, your dominating and aggressive speech frightens guys. The way you may talk to others is off-putting. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re being mean. But the recipient always does, and they will use that against you. They always feel like a target in your crosshairs, praying to not become your next victim.

Your appearance may be part of your problem. if you hold yourself a certain way, wear bright colors and smile you seem nice and kind. But then it goes downhill when you open your mouth only to vomit swear words. This duality between the good and bad is upsetting and you may just be thought of as a tease.

Sure it’s one thing to find someone who can handle you because you’re not all bad. But before someone else can handle you, you need to be able to handle yourself. Know when you get angry, tired or hungry (worse case scenario, avoid this at all costs) is when you unleash your inner dragon. So maybe instead of yelling or being rude when you get angry either make some coffee or go workout. Because releasing those bad vibes on an innocent person is unfair and more cruel.

Reason #14: Never Satisfied

Never Satisfied

It’s one of those things where the only thing you know how to do is strive for excellence. Not saying that it is a bad thing, there are many times where it is important to strive for greatness, but relationships are not one of them. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, so forget trying to find something better. Find something right instead.

It is the one thing that has brought you so far in life. Maybe you were never satisfied in your performance be it sports, music, dance, art, whatever. If you’ve made a conscious effort to continue to aim to be the best, then congratulations, you’re probably among the elite. This logic applies to academics as well.

But constantly thinking you can do better may not be the best thing for you. Having this mindset can cause fault finding- something many girls suffer from. It’s good you don’t want to sell yourself short. It really is. As women, we need to know the value we have, need to respect ourselves, but if someone is willing to do that, to value, respect, honor, support and love you, then you may not be able to find anything better.

But know that if something feels right, now, maybe it will be right in five year. No one can ever know but if you feel like there is a chance he can give you all these qualities, then try. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Reason #13: Family

Family

Part of it is you just don’t want to take anyone home. Your mother and grandmother want you to be in a relationship yet at the same time they are two of the most judgmental, overprotective, rude, passive aggressive people you will ever meet. So to bring someone else to meet them? Ya, not ok.

So your dad has his own gun collection. That saying  where the father greats his daughter’s boyfriend while holding a shotgun isn’t far from reality. Your family is scary, all of them. Every single person is their own level of crazy. Even your brother who you only fight with hates this new guy just because he’s that new guy.

Coming from a large family is extremely overwhelming to both you and the guy. All these fears on who might hate him, what they’re going to say about him is terrifying. But they’re just that- fears. Never let a fear stop you from being happy. Let the guy come home, let your parents meet him. Worse case scenario you two beak up and it’s on to the next.

Relax, breathe, you’re family isn’t too bad. After all, everything they will do is just because they love you.