#40: Addict (Part 1)

NO man should expect you to give him your undivided attention every hour of everyday but no man would want to come second to anything- especially a substance. Most people have an ‘addiction’ to something, whether it be alcohol, cigarettes, recreational/ prescription drugs or other nonconventional things sun as sex, caffeine, food and phones.

As there is an infinite amount of addictions, we’re going to focus on two different types of addiction (I made this myself, in no way do I pretend to be a doctor who diagnosed the different types). #1- Substance (drugs/ caffeine) and #2- Stimulus (phone/ sex).

1. Substance
Being dependent on anything isn’t sexy. It’s the dependency on something that isn’t even human that hurts. Especially since substances tend to take you way from human experiences. Your partner would probably see this as a form of escape, as a method of distance. For the abuser, they may just be making it easier to tolerate other people. But for those around you, for those in your life and who care about you, tolerating you and losing you to a substance is almost unbearable.

People who abuse substances are seen s unreliable and undependable. They may be great people but when they do not have their drug of choice, they can be a danger to themselves and the people around them. Relying on this person is near unfathomable. They cannot take care of kids, cannot take care of themselves. Honestly, they just become a child to take care of. No one wants an overgrown kid.

Reason #39: Conceited/ Proud

Conceited/ Proud

A guy walks up to you in a bar and says, “Hi”. He tries to start a conversation, but you act aloof and would rather he go away so no one important would see the two of you talking to each other. In no way is he perfect, and Lord only knows you’re not either. But what if people see you together? Talking? What would they think? Would they automatically assume the two of you were in a committed relationship and you lowered your standards after your ex? Would they the think the two of you were best of friends and that these are the type of people you associate yourself with? Or maybe….. they would think you’re a nice person who is having a conversation with a compete stranger.
But that’s completely ridiculous.

Sometimes as women, we need to get off our high horse. Our shit stinks too and trust me when I say not everyone is going to approve of whatever guy you date. Ever. There will always be critics, always be those who ask you, “You’re not actually considering dating him right?” Then go on to say, “He’s kinda weird.” There will always be the ones who make it their sole mission to prevent you from being in any happy relationship because they’re miserable themselves. But if you let these people influence you to the point where no one meets your high standards, where you’re too good for everyone, then you’re not going to be happy. You’re going to stay alone.

It’s one thing to listen to your instincts, but it’s another to listen to your ego. Relationships don’t form (good ones anyway) when people have super high egos. When people humble themselves, when they listen to what they really, trully desire, is when they find happiness. Thinking you are too go for anyone is wrong. You are no better than another human on Earth. So humble yourself! Let go of that ego, let go of your pride for one day! If a guy is willing to approach you, be nice. If you’re not attracted to him, then try and be friends, but if you don’t go for him because he may be ‘bad for your image,’ then princess, you desire a toad.

Reason #38: Independent

Independent

Why would you need another person, if you can take perfect care of yourself? You enjoy spending time with yourself, can handle your own finances, can kill your own spiders and have the perfect trick to opening that jar of salsa. You really don’t need a man, or anyone else for that matter.

Being ferociously independent is the epitome of the feminist movement. Women now live in a society where it is expected to be an self- reliant, powerful and dominating female. We are expected to take control of our own lives, to master all obstacles that come our way whether we have a man or not.

However, by showing the world, you can be independent, you have also shown yourself. You truly do not need anyone to look out for you, to help you or guide you and when anyone tries to do something nice for you, you lash out. True independent females do not like being waited on, do not like things handed to them because in their eyes, they are cheating and taking advantage of another. The idea of someone else trying to just help because they care is unfathomable.

Yet, sometimes this is how others show affection. It’s part of the courting process, and allows others to become part of your life. Because a relationship with a guy isn’t about another taking over power, its about combining two independent kingdoms together to make an empire. Empires aren’t made alone.

So let guys open doors for you, let others make you a cup of coffee. Little gestures like these show they like you, and take note of these actions. And don’t be afraid to do it for them also, because sometimes the smallest amount of help can make the world’s of a difference.

Reason #37: Vulnerability

Vulnerability

You’re afraid.

Let’s face it. You’re afraid. Afraid to get too close. Afraid to show too much. Afraid that if you open up everything inside of you will come pouring out uncontrollably like a dam that has just burst, and it won’t stop until nothing is left inside of you. You’re afraid.

You have no problem showing the basic side of you: your likes, your dislikes, your hopes, your dreams, your doubts. But when it comes to the deep stuff, the feelings that overwhelm you or the thoughts that seem to drown you, forget it. You can’t let anyone see that shit. What if they judge because you’re weak? What if they run because the thought of carrying half of the emotion you do terrifies them? What if you let them in and they destroy you?

Being vulnerable is scary. There is nothing to protect you, nothing to hide you. You are exposed.

But it’s also wonderful.

Everyone can see you, the real you. Everyone can experience your true radiant beauty. Everyone can applaud you for finally showing what you are- human. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. But the people who love us accept and even celebrate these flaws.

So take a deep breath. Tear down that wall around your heart piece by piece. Let someone in who you care about.

I promise amazing things will happen when you do.

Reason #36: Manners

Manners

We all poop. We all fart. We all burp. Facts of life.

Just because we all do it, does NOT mean that your guy has to know it. Seriously ladies, there is nothing cute about belching in public, about pulling out your tampons in front of him, about farting in your hand then putting it in his face (that last statement I was told was imperative to say). For the love of God, ladies, pretend for once that you’re actually ladies!

I totally understand, trust me, in the privacy of my own bathroom in my own home which I pay, for that I should be able to make whatever noises and such that I want. Do that, in private. As far as your guy is concerned, you shit butterflies and fart rainbows. And for anything that does not smell like you do, there is bathroom spray from Bath and Body Works that does wonders. Invest in some.

Because if he feel like he can’t take you out in public because of your ‘toxic’ personality and manners, then he isn’t going to keep you or be the least bit interested in you. And any attraction that was once there, trust me he’ll drop you like a hot potato so fast, he won’t even remember your name.

So ladies, keep the burping, farting and whatnot to yourself. Go do that shit in private because like it or not, that’s the kind of things that are not going to impress his mother.

Reason #35: Kids

Kids

For this topic, men need to be thought of as lions. Lions are one of the only species in the animal kingdom who practice infanticide. That is when a new male takes over the pride (as it happens every few years) they tend to kill the young offering from the previous alfa male. This phenomena is the cause of 10% of all lion mortality.

So for our purpose, all we need to know is that men tend to find kids as a deal breaker. Not all, just those looking to start their own family. Their goal is to settle down and to be the patriarch of their pride. It is an ego thing. Why would they support another youth, be expected to take care, raise and nurture it better than the biological father without  receiving any credit for their work? On a biological and evolutionary standpoint, this just doesn’t make sense. Especially if the child doesn’t call him ‘dad’. Because not only would the mother compare her new partner to her previous one, but the child, the mother’s family and friends would compare the biological dad with the ‘adoptive’ one.

Not saying that if you have kids, then you’re out of luck. Just saying this could limit your prospects.

Kids from other relationships tend to bring in tension. They tend to put the two adults against each other, especially if they feel left out or unloved. Not that blended families are not possible and or be completely functional, they are. Just the thought of being a part of a blended family, one that is not on his terms, is very difficult for the guy.

Guys are looking to be the partiarch of their own pride. They’re looking to find someone they can start a family with, not necessarily someone who will let them ‘join in’.

Reason #34: Reputations:

Reputations

Having one is good, but having the wrong kind is bad. Just because you have a reputation does not mean that you are the unstable girl, the girl who is crazy. It means nothing. Except that you are a cause and effect sequence.

Give a girl a scenario and she will give out one result every single time.

Different reputations are part of the reason to why girls are single. If you have a reputation for throwing up every time you drink, guess what, then you look like a sloppy bitch who cannot control herself. Or if you have a reputation for hooking up with tons of guys, then chances are you are not girlfriend material. It’s really not that complicated.

Then there are the girls who have the reputation for not going out, for not being the first one to take a bong rip. These are the girls who may be single because guys can associate them as not as fun. I’m not condoning drinking or smoking, but the guys who would be attracted to girls who do are not attracted to those who do not.

So if you have a bad reputation, whatever that may be, try and improve on it. If you have a rep for hooking up with lots of guys, go out and make a point not to talk to guys. This will show the public that you can control yourself. Or if you tend to throw up every time you drink, limit yourself to two drinks.

Reputations are how you present yourself to the world. So if you’re trying to attract a certain type of guy, check and see if your reputation correlates to his expectations.

Reason #33: I’m Not Okay

I’m Not Okay

No one really know what is wrong with you. There’s just something about you, the way you walk, the constant pacing back and forth. Like for the love of God, hold still! But even if you do that, there is just something about you that makes you not okay. It’s that super weird quirk that rests inside you.

Maybe it isn’t even  a quirk, but it’s something. We just cannot put our fingers on it, but deep down, you know what it is. For some, it is mental instability. It isn’t the same as being crazy, it is feeling emotions and being completely able to justify them but for some reason you take it differently than normal.

This is fine, but not for relationships. Guys can sense this. Most at least. It is the unfortunate ones that do not have this ability and do not realize the danger they are getting into. The girl isn’t crazy, mean or bad, she;s just not emotionally all connected. Strange but true. And it will not be until she is happy, when she becomes ‘better’ that she will be able to have a functional relationship.

It is about being alright within oneself and understanding your body from the inside out.

Reason #32: Friend Zone

Friend zone

Either you’re the one friend zoning guys or guys are the ones friend zoning you. In reality, there’s no problems with being in the friend zone. You may think it sucks, but it’s probably one of the best places to be in. This is because guys can confide in you, they can be there for you to lean on and you just have an excuse to hang out together without any pressure. This makes interacting with one another effortless, there’s no pursuit or pressure of pursuit, and there’s no one insisting the two of you to be a couple. It’s actually great.

However, guys tend not to see it this way. They tend to see it as more of a tease. If a girl feels comfortable enough with him that he might as well be her ‘gay best friend,’ then chances are he will not be getting any. And for him, that sucks.

But ladies, here’s the thing: if you knowingly friend zone guys, then you are knowingly limiting your options. And yes, that is your fault. But if you friend zone guys and find out later that you like them (or they may like you) you kind of screw yourself over. So try and just be friends. In our society, guys make the first move, so if he’s interested, he’ll let you know.

And if you’re the girl who always gets friend zoned, try and be more open, flirty and personable. The worse that can happen is he thinks you’re weird. The world won’t end and there will probably be a new cute guy next week. So put yourself out there, hang out with people, be bit risqué. You might benefit in the end.

Reason #31: Easily Influenced

Easily Influenced

So you go to a bar/ restaurant with the intention not to drink. You drove there, but your friends took a taxi. So you guys all enjoy your food but they keep ordering margaritas, tequila shots and god knows what else. They want you to dink. You say no, that you’re driving but they offer to spot you a cab. So what do you do?

Bet your ass you take the free shot of tequila.

They weren’t even trying that hard, you just give into peer pressure super easily. They know how to push your buttons, know what to say. Actually this goes for everyone, even that super hot guy that girls tell you to stay away from. Everyone and anyone can get you to do things you didn’t have nay intent to do. It’s because you’re easily persuaded.

Let’s stay with alcohol. If anyone can get you to drink, then what else can they get you to do? For sure, guys want a girls they can have fun with but a girl who just follows the crowd, who is just another girl in a tight dress trying to walk a straight line is not attractive.  What’s attractive is a girl who can be responsible, who can hold her ground and who knows what she wants. Because if you can’t make simple decisions like if you are drinking that night, then you are in no place to make decisions in the adult world.

So hold your ground, and stay to your word. If you’re DD that night then stay DD. Always be honest. That means not going back on what you say.